the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
