I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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