You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
