A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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