Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
