She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
