we made out on top of his cat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
