It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
