I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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