So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
