I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
