she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
