Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
