your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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