the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
