You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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