Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
