I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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