You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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