Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Houston, we have a blender
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you never un-have a 4some
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
