Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
