Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
