He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
