This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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