Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
