Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this hospital has no fireball
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize