Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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