i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
