Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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