On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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