fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
