you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
