i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We named our party play list daddy issues
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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