this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
