thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
