I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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