my mouth tastes like poor choices
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
