There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
