dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
