Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I puked a lego.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
