Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
