I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
