She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
