Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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