True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
