i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
