Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
