Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
