Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
