3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
