Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
