turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
