What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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