last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
