After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
