I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
