I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
