420 ftw
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
