words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
