Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
