Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
