I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
