It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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