I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
