As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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