the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
