Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
