She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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