You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
