The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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