Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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