Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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