Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
